I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
