I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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