Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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