I think my vagina is haunted
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I looked at my own cervix.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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