Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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