I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
