All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
