So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
