Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
