youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
if only i could text you this smell
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
