you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
