Nicole vs. Life
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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