Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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