How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
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