i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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