dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
