I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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