if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
