i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
