Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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