i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
