I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
