She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It was a blind-side dick pic.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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