So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
