Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
