The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
