i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
