is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
