woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
