i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
