My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
