Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
