So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
