someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
