think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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