why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
