if i can run in heels then i can drive
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
