he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
