I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
