Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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