We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Someone came in the potted fern
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
