Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize