she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
