I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
