mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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