plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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