I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
