She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
