She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
