put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
