I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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