made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
this hospital has no fireball
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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